I Shouldn’t Have Listened to my Pediatrician

Being a mom with an anxiety disorder can make it extra stressful, and let’s be honest, guys….being a parent is a never-ending rollercoaster called The Stress Test. And that’s fine; rollercoasters are fun, too. Right?

Being a mom has been my oldest dream since I was very young. A lot of women, naturally, dream of becoming mothers. Me, though? I wanted it more than anything else. Fast-forward past the years of infertility and I got my dream.

I have helped raise one nephew who is special needs, so motherhood wasn’t exactly new to me. Working as a daycare/preschool teacher and as a Mental Health Tech with kids who had behavioral/mental disorders didn’t hurt either when it came to all the experiences of child-rearing. Simply put, I’m a seasoned caregiver.

That being said, I still have severe anxiety when it comes to my son. I have experienced some really crazy things, starting early in life, so I’m not a person who thinks “that would never happen to me”.

Murphey’s Law= anything that can go wrong, probably will.

My husband likes to say “Murphey likes us too much”. He isn’t wrong. Despite this, I try not to let my anxiety rule my actions or choices. I tell myself to trust those around me.

Within reason.

My son has had several ear infections since birth. Even if he was going to a well visit or checkup, they would almost always say he had fluid in his ears. Every time I have brought up concerns, I was told that he didn’t need tubes because he hadn’t had the ear infections back-to-back to meet the criteria for tubes. They told me his hearing was fine. At his 2-year checkup, I told the pediatrician that he wasn’t speaking often, refusing to use words he knew, and shortening several words. It was almost as if he suddenly had trouble hearing the completion of some words and the sounds of others.

Yes, some 2-year-olds do not pick up speech right away, and my son understood everything we said to him. We would test him by giving him 3-step instructions and he never hesitated. There were few words that stumped him, and he could say a lot of words, but when speaking them, they sounded off and he refused to string words together.

Multi-syllable words like “Ovaltine” would come out as “oval oval” or “tine tine”. He could only say the same sound back-to-back.

The pediatrician told me once more that he was fine, just being stubborn about speaking. Another pediatrician got an attitude with me when I asked if he possibly had some hearing issues due to the constant fluid on his ears and multiple ear infections.

The man became visibly and audibly irritated with me and stated, “Just because he’s had ear infections doesn’t mean they’ve been enough to cause any problems. He doesn’t need tubes and his ears are working fine.”

By that time, he was 2.5 years old, and I had brought up the concern about 6 times since he was 1 and showing some delays. At his 3-year-old checkup, I told the pediatrician that he had only began to repeat words or try to speak sentences right after turning 3 but that everything sounded off.

Another concern we’d brought up multiple times in the past was the fact that our son slowly began to refuse foods that might cause abrasion or have to be chewed really well (i.e. apples, hard chips, etc). If he liked the taste of the food, he would chew it for a while, then spit it out. Always refusing to swallow. He was choking on foods more and more. We noticed his tonsils were always red and inflamed, and large. They told us they were large but absolutely fine. (The ENT disagreed with that immensely)

The doctor DID finally refer us to a speech therapist. During this initial evaluation process, the therapist looks me in the eye and says, “I can tell you right now that he has hearing problems and his tonsils are too large. He needs to see an ENT.”

Finally we get to see an ENT like we had requested for the past 2 years.

It took them two seconds of checking his ears to reveal that both ears were blocked. She also confirmed his tonsils and adenoids would need to be removed.

Symptoms we complained to the pediatrician over the last 2 years were:

• Wheezing when running
• Still not sleeping through the night, waking up crying often
• Sleeping with mouth open, snoring
• Complaining of a sore throat often
• Choking when eating, or sometimes when drinking
• Having had Strep at age 2 (very rare!)
• Messing with his ears on a daily basis
• Constantly covering his ears with any loud noises, even ones that are only slightly louder than normal range

The ENT informed us that all of these were due to the large tonsils/adenoids and needing tubes.

Our son has been struggling with hearing “like he is underwater” for two years, coping with painful pressure, and enduring painful swallowing and a smaller airway. Because I went against my instinct and trusted a trained professional. I started to think maybe my anxiety was playing a bigger role than it was, that I was making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Oh the mom guilt is strong right now.

But stories arise all the time about parents who faithfully trust their child’s pediatrician when they shouldn’t have. We are taught that this is what we should do. I don’t know about you, but the only Hands I will 100%, without question, place my child’s wellbeing in is God’s. Yes, trained medical professionals are knowledgeable and are experts in their field. But they are also human, and we are inherently predisposed to make mistakes. We are imperfect beings and not all-knowing.

Now I have to wait nearly a month before we travel 4+ hours north for a surgery consultation.

The surgery will happen up there and be a 1-night hospital stay, and probably a 1-night hotel stay as well. We are looking forward to some relief for our little man, but not looking forward to the procedure and recovery for him. We are most definitely asking for prayers for safe travels, a smooth procedure, and a fast recovery.

A word of caution though: even if you have an anxiety disorder, don’t ignore your maternal instincts. I would rather anger a whole line of pediatric doctors, be that mom that everyone rolls their eyes at, than have regrets that I could have prevented my child from misery.

We may not all have doctor degrees, but we do have Mom Degrees, and sometimes the line between the two are pretty darn thin. God granted us a sixth sense when it comes to our children, and although society tells us to ignore that in favor of professional advice, sometimes that something extra we mamas have is far more valuable and precise.